[After a few moments of heavy silence, Albert raises his head and looks Mitsuki in the eyes. His own eyes look as dull as Mitsuki looks frightened, and there's a terrible notion of resignation on his face. Like he knows where this will go. He fears it, more than anything, more than he fears death or imprisonment or any other just punishment for his crimes. Mitsuki's rejection would destroy a part of him that he didn't know he had until he came here.
And still, he steels himself for it.]
If I tell you what it was you saw, you won't look at me the same way again. You may even hate me. But... [His smile is thin, forced.] I owe you the truth. After all, even if I kept this secret forever it wouldn't change that I am... a monster, truly. You have every right to decide whether or not you can accept someone like me.
[His hands still shake, and all the emotions he's been frantically trying not to share suddenly settle into something cold and sad. Loneliness.]
I'm afraid I don't know where to begin. The shortest, simplest version of events... is that our world... No, our empire was rotten to the core. People of lower status had nothing, and there were those in the nobility who treated them as lower than dogs, as less than human. I, more than anyone, couldn't endure the cruelty of my peers, even from a very young age. I resolved to do something, anything, whatever I could...
[It's not the short version at all, he thinks, and he looks away for a moment. If only there was a way to convey what turmoil he went through, how much desperate thought went into his young idealism.]
So I, along with William and Louis, became vigilantes of a sort. To those nobles who killed people of the lower class, or did worse than simply kill, we meted out punishment where we could. We wanted to start a revolution, for the people to rise up and destroy the noble class. I will say until the end that I was the one who began it, and I vowed to see things through. From what I understand, at some point after my coming here, I was imprisoned for my part in everything. I know I don't deserve even to be alive, but an enduring punishment must've satisfied Her Majesty.
[Now a pang of fear and remorse runs through Albert, and he doesn't bother checking it at all. Mitsuki will likely feel it clearly. It doesn't miss his voice either, which is low and strained, like a man who's been screaming for hours.]
It cost me everything, Mitsuki. It cost me my very heart and soul. I became someone I loathed, and still do. I know that now. I was wrong, even if my cause was right.
no subject
And still, he steels himself for it.]
If I tell you what it was you saw, you won't look at me the same way again. You may even hate me. But... [His smile is thin, forced.] I owe you the truth. After all, even if I kept this secret forever it wouldn't change that I am... a monster, truly. You have every right to decide whether or not you can accept someone like me.
[His hands still shake, and all the emotions he's been frantically trying not to share suddenly settle into something cold and sad. Loneliness.]
I'm afraid I don't know where to begin. The shortest, simplest version of events... is that our world... No, our empire was rotten to the core. People of lower status had nothing, and there were those in the nobility who treated them as lower than dogs, as less than human. I, more than anyone, couldn't endure the cruelty of my peers, even from a very young age. I resolved to do something, anything, whatever I could...
[It's not the short version at all, he thinks, and he looks away for a moment. If only there was a way to convey what turmoil he went through, how much desperate thought went into his young idealism.]
So I, along with William and Louis, became vigilantes of a sort. To those nobles who killed people of the lower class, or did worse than simply kill, we meted out punishment where we could. We wanted to start a revolution, for the people to rise up and destroy the noble class. I will say until the end that I was the one who began it, and I vowed to see things through. From what I understand, at some point after my coming here, I was imprisoned for my part in everything. I know I don't deserve even to be alive, but an enduring punishment must've satisfied Her Majesty.
[Now a pang of fear and remorse runs through Albert, and he doesn't bother checking it at all. Mitsuki will likely feel it clearly. It doesn't miss his voice either, which is low and strained, like a man who's been screaming for hours.]
It cost me everything, Mitsuki. It cost me my very heart and soul. I became someone I loathed, and still do. I know that now. I was wrong, even if my cause was right.