codenamem | IC Inbox for noctiumrp

[He leans his head unconsciously into the touch, seeking that momentary warmth, the touch of someone who has her own past to surpass. It soothes him.]

I've been eating takeout most of the time since I arrived here. Home cooked anything is a godsend.

[ perhaps in time, ignis will reveal more of himself to him. he is just as flawed, with his own darkness and secrets, the things albert will have to accept about him. ignis understands albert because he exists in shades of grey, made to do things that his king cannot (and will not) do. but now is not the time for his own secrets, his vulnerabilities and his own fears and anxieties, even if he knows albert has glimpsed them from time to time, accepting whatever little fragment that ignis shows him.

he takes in the great overflow of feelings and emotions, the churning passion and the way albert feels so intensely that it makes him ache, captivates him and stuns him both. how is he to react when he feels him in all his entirety, so genuine and so full of emotion that ignis doesn't quite know what to do with it? he kisses him back, again and again, allowing albert to take and claim, wanting to comfort him as best he knows how.

he thinks of all the time they've spent together in here, the encounters that move him, make him want more, so much so that parting is sweet sorrow, and his eyes widen when the kiss ends and he murmurs soft, honest words. ignis believes them because it's all he can feel from albert, his heart pounding in his chest.

i love you.

what small, powerful words, bigger than the space they occupy, the intent behind them. he presses his forehead to his, trying to wrap his mind around the truth of them. ]

Albert --

[This place will steal everything from everyone in time, and Albert has never been the sort to wait for things he wants. He is still too passionately charging through this damnable place, this precious place, but he's no fool.

He tips his head so their noses brush ever so briefly, then shifts so it's just their foreheads again. Raising a hand, he places his index finger over Ignis' lips to silence him, his own eyes sliding closed.

This is his moment, his honesty, and he doesn't need anything in return. He never has, with anyone. He never demanded anything from William but the revolution he always wanted. He asked nothing of Louis but for his health and happiness.

So too does he feel for this man, selfishly wishing him happiness and peace, large kitchens and good wine and abundant opportunties. His love has never been offered out of vanity, but out of passion and respect, born of the same ideals that cause his pain.

With that, he invites Ignis in. Into the very blackest depths of his charred soul. No one could love that, but what love he can wring out of it, he gives to those who earn it.

His finger drops away from Ignis' lips, and he strokes his cheek ever so gently, emotionally spent and having given all he could, for now.]

You're remarkable. Never stop.

[ surely, he must feel it -- the sheer depth of passion that ignis has for albert, the ferocity of the feelings that he has for him. surely, he must know, too, that ignis has fallen in love with him. but he is silenced, and perhaps for good reason; this isn't the place that ignis wants albert to remember that he says it for the first time.

this isn't the moment, too, not when there is an easy suspicion that he's only saying it back just because. no, this is far more important than that -- he doesn't want the first time albert hears those words to be tied to a memory of grief and heartache and pain.

and so he keeps quiet for now, seeking him out and taking his invite with all his heart. they both know, too, that fairytales are for children -- there is no such thing as a happy ending or a lasting happiness. they all take what they can get, and they roll with the punches until they don't. he can feel albert's feelings for him, how albert gives and gives and gives until there's nothing left, and he stills the kiss, moving to look at him squarely in the eyes. ]

Let me take care of you tonight.

[ he says softly. it's time for him to stop giving, to be loved and sheltered and treasured. ]

Lose yourself in me, and think about nothing else. You're the only one that matters right now.

[It he is to hear it, he wants to hear it when he is at his best, something to marveled at and proud of and beloved, the way Ignis is right now. He adored this man from the beginning for so many reasons, but now love has taken anchor and he's completly prepared to devote himself.

He closes his eyes and simply absorbs the love and care he's given, the warmth of their connection soothing.]

I would love nothing more than to be put back together by you. My dearest Ignis.

Edited 2021-04-10 14:03 (UTC)

[ he smiles then, nuzzling into him before he gently tugs on the scarf albert wears to loosen and free him from it -- how strange, he's never been one for them.

it has been quite the session, and goodness knows albert needs a break. ]

Be careful what you wish for. The last time this happened, you barely slept the entire night.

[Ah, the scarf. Albert knows Ignis will figure things out sooner or later, so he doesn't protest its removal. Beneath are marks and bruises large and small, some fresher than others, all of... obvious origin. There will be other bruises and marks elsewhere. He'll see them.

All he can do is smile sadly and hope he isn't judged too terribly for it. If Ignis asks, he'll answer. He said he would.

He's gone from bouts of barely sleeping to excessive sleeping over the past few days, too. He hopes to God that Ignis really will put him back together.

Reaching for Ignis' hand, he raises it to his lips, pressing kisses to his fingertips. It is perhaps more adoring than sensual, but he closes his eyes and simply takes Ignis in, their shared warmth his solace.]

I don't mind that happening again.

[ those are lovebites, possessive marks, and he's pretty sure those are outlines of fingers, which tells him a lot. but they are fresh, and it doesn't take much for him to try and put it together. the most obvious scenario is taboo, but ignis can't shake it off, not when he can feel albert's emotions with such clarity. ]

These marks... who made them?

[ ignis is not a jealous man, not really, but they are too purposeful to be careless -- he recognises the intent of them in a heartbeat, to mark and claim. he doesn't draw his hand away from those soft lips; in fact, he curls his fingers around his, openly curious. clearly, albert likes it rough, too. very rough. ]

[The most obvious scenario is the correct one, and Albert does have the presence of mind to be slightly shamefaced at his response. He knows it's taboo, of course. He knows better than anyone.]

...William, primarily.

[The rest of the story becomes important now, the secrets Albert should take to his grave, but that Ignis' eyes are going to ask.]

They're... not really my brothers. Not by birth. They're adopted. And William isn't his real name.

[He looks down, anywhere but at Ignis.]

I didn't tell you everything. I wasn't sure how. If I tell you how we came to be brothers, you may look at me less kindly.

Oh.

[ technically not quite what it's supposed to be, then. ignis blinks, reaching out to trace light fingers over the marks, quietly fascinated. he is no stranger to this kind of play, and he lightly curls his hand over the back of his neck. there is more that comes out, even heavier things, it seems, and ignis is quiet for a moment, contemplating him. ]

Are you ready to tell me this tonight, or should it be something for another day?

I don't know.

[The honest truth, as he tips his head to the side and lets Ignis explore.]

I want so badly for you to break me. Claim me. Everything I've been too good to ask for. I need to be yours. I can't... I can't shake that need. The entire time I was with my brothers I felt you. I should have come here.

[He sounds a bit hollow again, saying that.]

But if you do let me in without knowing, I'll fear you'll regret being with me at all. Then again, if I do tell you, maybe I can begin to atone somehow. It is unforgivable, I know, all of it. We were the devils ourselves, and I began it all.

[He looks at Ignis with fear and more than a touch of sadness.]

Hm, then you've come to the right place. I cook for myself sometimes.

[ She deigns a smile as she lowers her arms. She turns back to the kitchen to lay out the serving bowl of the cassoulet on the small dinner table, enough for the two to of them to share. ]

You're welcome here any time. [ A beat. ] So are your family.

[ ignis is silent for a long moment, considering him with care. it's clear what albert needs, what he says with all honesty that stirs up something primal in ignis, something very much like the darker side of desire.

his fingers press lightly over the more egregious, darker marks, reading the intent behind all of it -- that albert belongs to another, first and foremost. and yet. yet he comes, and yearns to be his.

he leans forward to press a soft kiss to a particularly vivid bruise, right over the pulse point of his throat. there will be no peace until albert confesses, and something tells him that it's something he's kept buried from everyone for a long, long time.

he looks back at him steadily, reading the fear and sadness in those lovely green eyes, feeling the aching tremble of it through their bond. ]

Courage, my dear Albert.

[ he says softly. it is only in shedding the last vestiges of his defenses that ignis can truly break and claim him. and albert needs this, more than anyone else he knows. ]

[He brightens slightly at the invitation, at her kindness. She always does little things to surprise him, and he delights in her company for that. If only every woman were like Aranea, maybe he wouldn't have been quite the bachelor back home.

It's a silly thought, but a necessary one. It lifts him slightly out of the fog he's been in.]

The hospitality is appreciated, though I can't help thinking they'll think just as highly of you as I do. Where would that leave me?

[He tries to sound playful, even if he's also dead tired. Nothing can move him from the darkness entirely, but she does shine a light on his worst parts.]

[ Careful not to tell people how kind she really is, Albert. She's got a reputation to uphold. ]

In my house, eating my food, enjoying my company. Why would anything change?

[ She's not frowning, though her voice is the sound of a stern lecture waiting to happen, laced with her natural impatience. She waves at the food, just as she's grabbing the drink he's bought to pop it open and pour for them both in the appropriate glasses. ]

Eat before you drop dead at my dinner table.

[Albert lets the marks be explored, sins that they are, one layered atop another and atop another still. He'll never escape them, and these are sins he'll go back to willingly and with love. William is, after all, his life.

How does he explain this? The pain borne from good intentions? Knowing the path led where it did? He hesitates... but looks deep into Ignis' eyes.]

Our first victims--my first--were my mother and younger brother, William.

[Somehow just voicing the unspeakable takes a weight off Albert's shoulders that he had no idea was so heavy. How can Ignis draw this out of him after over a decade? How can he make him want to be whole again?]

...When I was a child, I did work at an orphanage. I read to the children there, visited them constantly. Two new children arrived, and I... I fell in a deep fascination with his ideals. I would've called it love then. These two children were adopted into the Moriarty family at my behest, but my family loathed them. They were horrific to them, though they paid for a life saving surgery for Louis, they worked him to the bone, and abused the other constantly.

[He takes a deep breath, quelling the years-old rage he still feels. Death was too good for them.]

I asked if murder was an acceptable route to an ideal world, one where no noble could trample another commoner again. I killed them with my own hands, ultimately, and we burned the house down... killing my father as well and the household servants. William took my younger brother's name and identity. We trained as teenagers to fight, to survive and to reach those ideals.

[He smiles, sad and sincere.]

Everything I've done has been for William: my military service, my work with MI6, everything I've done here as well. I love him. I always have. And Louis... I wanted to protect him as much as William did. But somehow... he has my position now in his time, and I am no longer in the picture. I don't know how I feel about any of it.

[ ...ah.

ignis is silent throughout, eyes widening in surprise when he finally drops the bomb: that he murdered his family for it. that the home he had come from had necessitated such a terrible, terrible thing. he is somber, mouth set in a grim line as the story continues. for a kind, gentle soul like albert, he has done monstrous things. in between them, the air is heavy with the awful truth, and ignis doesn't do anything to dispel it.

he absorbs everything, the abuse toward the young children, the seething hypocrisy that he's certain albert chafed at and hated more than anything else. what had gone through his head as he killed his family, he wonders? is murder truly an acceptable route to an ideal world? who is ignis to say whether it is or isn't? noctis will pave the way to the world of light with his death. all the sacrifices, the deaths that have happened on their watch, all of it had been to ensure that noctis fulfilled his purpose.

and so here, right now... something in his chest tightens as he studies him. he reaches out silently now, touching his cheek somberly. it's clear as day, his love for his adopted brothers, that selfless, giving spirit that had compelled him to do such terrible things. now, everything makes more sense, all of it coming together to paint a tragedy, with albert in the middle of it all.

what can he say to that? ]

...Do you regret any of it?

[For all that he's been through and all that he's seen and done, Albert still feels intense conflict about what he's done. Was it truly right? Was it avoidable? Was there another way?

The waver in Ignis' emotions outweighs the rage he feels, the rage that numbs and dulls him. Suddenly, he's worried, suddenly he's looking into those beautiful eyes with his own of dulled emerald and searching for what he's supposed to say.]

...I don't know. The one thing I know I regret for certain is William dying. I've ever wanted to die in his stead, when the time came. To atone, to be sent to the Hell I rightly deserve. I was the one who started this. I [his voice wavers] should've been the one to die.

[ ignis can feel it, the conflict raging alongside albert's fury, the reassuring fact that albert, for all of his confidence, doesn't know. his uncertainty speaks volumes of albert's thoughts, his heart, his decency.

he meets his own, measured as he considers his own response. surprise and shock, of course -- but also a growing understanding and curiosity that has never been dampened. ignis doesn't pull away from him, doesn't condemn him. how can he, when he deals in shades of grey? how can he, when albert tells him he wants to die in his stead, so much like ignis himself that it pierces his heart?

he frowns now, shaking his head. ] ...Albert.

[ he can almost taste it, the guilt, the sorrow, the desire to be punished. the foundation of a good man who has done terrible things and is suffering the weight of it. his heart aches for him, and he finally speaks up. ]

Would he have wanted you to do that? This burden that you bear is heavier than even I can imagine. But let me ask you this: if you are to atone, how will you do that with death? Atonement is made by the living, for the living.

[He is an open book to this man, now. He has only spoken of the ill he has done and not the good that came of it, of course, but he sees the conclusions for only a moment before moving on to the next problem. He's never been one to rest for long.

And Ignis is right. Albert is riddled with guilt over something that makes little sense. William, in all his brilliance, would never let Albert die. William would want him to live. And Albert knows that being alive and suffering every day with the burden of what he did, trying to make things right in the world, is the only way.

This much he knows, and hearing it confirmed by someone who is as brilliant and cunning and wonderful as Ignis somehow makes his heart feel a little less cold, his stomach a little less sick.]

It's... what I've pledged to do here, actually. To live. To not kill again, unless I absolutely must. I've spoken with Colonel Moran about it, and my brothers as well. We'll see how things go forward, but... No more. I won't bloody my hands again if it isn't absolutely necessary.

[He can almost smile at that, with some small confidence. Life here is different, and there are ways he can affect change in this society. He can feel it.]

It's why I want to become a politician, to defend both the rights and treatments of those of us who are visitors, and those of the downtrodden. I'll make them listen. [A pause, and he raises a gentle hand to brush back some of his lover's hair.] Will you help me, Ignis? Will you walk this path with me? Atonement is my own burden, but if I have you by my side, I feel like the very world would quake before us.

[ albert doesn't need to explain the good that he has done. ignis, who has been groomed to be the guiding hand in the king's governance, is very aware of the ramifications of it in a country. theirs is a revolution that will shake the core tenets of the kingdom, with the potential to up-end the existing status quo, which is clearly what they've intended all along.

the plan is objectively brilliant. straightforward, but brilliant in its execution, even if ignis also knows, too, that sometimes hard decisions must be made, and that once this plan is done, none of the perpetrators may be suffered to live with freedom. with a successful revolution comes shackles, a grim reality ignis is certain albert and his brothers have reckoned with.

he nods at the plan, reaching out to cup his face, leaning in to press a soft kiss to his mouth with a small smile. sometimes killing is necessary -- ignis, whose very life belongs to the king, the crown, has no qualms carrying out the difficult tasks; duty above all.

but albert's plans are noble and genuine, earnest and steeped with such kindness that he can't help but smile. for a moment he reminds him of noctis, with his soft heart that makes ignis want to protect him, and he pulls him close, leaning into his touch. he looks back up at him, his gaze unwavering. ]

I will take your hand and walk with you. And I will help you however I can. Your conscience burdens you, which is a good thing, but take care not to let it drown you.

[He could have asked to find a better person. Ignis hasn't looked to judge him for any of this, and Albert's last secrets are gone. The brighter things he did--sparing Irene Adler, helping Colonel Moran, bringing in Moneypenny, to name a few--may never pass his lips. Ignis may never know the extremes Albert took in both directions, save those he took on behalf of his brothers.

Yet here Ignis sits, something gentle and true in his gaze that makes Albert wish he was able to be everything Ignis could want. He looks into those endlessly beautiful eyes and sees understanding and hope. It helps him to find his own, which the back and forth with his brothers and his own anguish could not help him claw his way to. He is kissed, adored, pulled close again, and it makes him feel the way he did when he once saw William ringed in a halo of light. Only this time, he won't mistake love for salvation. He can become whole here, he swears it, in time.

And he'll do it with this brilliant, beautiful, glorious, stalwart, generous man at his side.]

It drowned me daily for years. Yet every morning I woke, and the cycle repeated again. Now... I'll have to find my own ideals, won't I? My own reason for being alive.

[Because, much to his fearful disappointment, his brothers arriving did not solve everything immediately. They made his heart more complicated than before.]

I want to do it. I want to live. I honestly, truly do. And I want to be yours, as much as I've ever been William's.

[The question that was posed when they first met, as to whether they were men of ideals, if they had someone they would sacrifice everything for, has been surely answered for Ignis. To Albert, it was always William. With all his self-destructive passion, Albert pursued that for years.

This feels... not better, but different. That same passion--less destructively--could be turned on someone who walks beside him and not before him. Someone who holds his hand and sees him as worthy and valuable and so many other things he won't yet see in himself.

This man.]

I won't ask for more of you than I already have, but know that the part of you that lives in my heart is held dearest of all.

[Screw reputations right now. He doesn't care at all. He does sit, though, and waits a moment for her to join him before he rather awkwardly serves himself. You can take the man out of the nobility, but...]

I won't drop dead. I'm simply tired. You wound me so.

[He smiles though, as he says that.]

Well, not that I would have it any other way. You see, I rather like the way you talk to me.

[ ignis doesn't judge not because he's essentially a good man -- it's just that he's aware of the myriad complications of different worlds, and he has seen albert's core goodness for himself, a trait that is impossible to fake. he might have done wildly questionable things, but the more time ignis spent with him, the more he sees the man underneath all these actions. deeply flawed, just like all of them, but a good man all the same.

and it is this belief that defines how ignis sees him, and he's silent at albert's courage in those words, the wherewithal to find a reason to live for himself, a purpose that ignis hasn't ever quite found for his own. his life is his duty, and his duty is noctis, and something in him flickers in the face of those words. is he a hypocrite to agree, when he has never quite been able to do this for himself?

ignis is silent for a long moment, lost in his own thoughts before he says -- ]

Then be mine, Albert.

[ even though he knows that it's not possible; if william is anything like noctis, the man will have an indomitable hold over albert, but the truth is that ignis understands, but even now, for a moment, albert can retreat to him and they can have it be true for the next few hours.

his arms come around him now, and he lifts him as he rises from his seat, carrying him to the bedroom that albert is surely more than acquainted with by now. ]

For now, at least. You'll be all mine. Let me lay claim on your heart anew.

Five.

[ Moran corrects but it is with a small smile. Three for the brothers and the remaining would be for Fred and himself. His chin drops a little as he looks away -- he knows in holding Albert's hand that Albert feels the tentative happiness that he feels just standing in the manor.

I didn't seek this out for myself. I only sought it out because it'd be for you. It really is a good thing that thoughts don't get transferred, as well, or he would have to leave and not show his face for countless months.

Being seen as a romantic, as a soft-hearted person, he would die. ]

We'll make sure it's comfortable for them. I don't want to hear Fred complain that I didn't do enough. [ Even if Fred would never complain about such things. ]

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