[ his crimson gaze lingers on his throat instead of his eyes, deliberate and unreadable. he can sense albert's concern reverberating through their bond, and yet he can't help that insistent flicker of possessiveness. he knows they have much to address -- and he's more than half-certain that albert has sorted at least some things out for himself. ]
[He smiles easily, crossing over to William as he tugs the scarf a little higher on his throat self consciously. His hand drops to his dear brother's shoulder, calm and light.]
It's the same as what I was trying to tell you and Louis earlier, though I did a poor job.
[Reluctance stilled his tongue. He's more certain now.]
[ this stranger that william has never met, this person who could enable a whole gamut of intense feelings and emotions from albert -- and most importantly, that could make him feel the way he does through their bond: light and happy, unburdened.
he leans into that kiss and threads his fingers with his, accepting it even if he doesn't react to albert's assertion of their shared happiness. there is none of that for william back in their world. in their world, william will be gone, and albert and louis will have only each other and the ones around them. he only hopes that they're taken care of.
and so he only smiles, his own emotions muted. leaning his cheek against albert's hand, he muses quietly. ]
I want you to remember this feeling in the event that you return back to our world.
[There it is. The expected calling of Albert's delicate bluff. Yes, he went to someone else, someone he deeply cares about, someone who makes his heart light. He knows William could likely feel the entire thing. Still, it was something he needed to do for himself, so he did, unashamedly.
Why does he feel shame now? Perhaps... he isn't loved in the same way he loves. With William, he knows it's unequal, two different types of devotion from two different men who share ideals and a past, but hardly any of the things that would make two people lovers, no matter how much they might want that.
No. In the past, he would have wanted it all the more. Now, he wants more desperately for William to live a life he chooses, rather than one he takes up out of obligation or necessity.
Leaning down, embracing William at this awkward angle, he sighs.]
I suspect... he may truly love me. [He smiles, bittersweet.] He's a beautiful, brilliant, elegant man, with depths and secrets I haven't yet touched. Yet the more I learn, the deeper I fall. Even... if it isn't the same for him ultimately, I'm satisfied with how it stands.
[That sincere wish. He thought William would be angry with him, jealous somehow, fearsome and in need of placating, but could it just be that simple? Wishing him well? Still, Albert must be just as firm with William as he's been with himself tonight.]
That world isn't worth returning to if you aren't in it.
[ william is still parsing his own emotions on the matter. albert has been so closely bound to him for such a long time, and a part of him chafes at him finding someone else. it's new and unfamiliar, illogical, and his brows knit briefly.
but this -- isn't this what william has intended, of a sort? that he will take on their sins so that his brothers will find happiness in a new world. and for albert, tortured and in pain because of his stubborn kindness. that he has found someone who loves him, and whom he loves in return.
at length, william decides to be honest. he has never technically lied to albert, and he isn't about to start. ]
There is no place for me there anymore.
[ william gently pulls away from him to set aside his book. ] My work is finished.
[Even if it's what William intended, guilt sinks into Albert's heart. Is he abandoning his brother for some new found love? Is it something he can even excuse? Can he allow himself to love?
He wants to apologize, to ask if his path is the wrong one. He's walking this path with someone who isn't William, and it grips him like nothing else.
There's hollowness to his tone.]
I... suspected as much. [Albert's hand curls into a fist.] I'm sorry, William. I never wanted you to...
[ william says firmly, cutting him off. he has seen it, the stark, telling difference between albert now and the man he was when he walked in, and he likes none of it. his frown deepens, and he rises to take his hand, feeling that guilt and uncertainty set in.
even now, william realises he holds such sway over him, and in this moment, he realises -- ]
I do love you, brother. [ he says softly, reaching out to touch his hand. in this moment, on the other side of death, in the wake of what he has found with sherlock, it would be cruel to deny him happiness. ] I have never intended for you to be shackled to me.
This look in your eyes now -- [ he reaches up, gently touching his jawline as he smiles. oh, how his heart aches, even if his face betrays none of it. ] -- I have never liked it.
[His eyebrows raise, and he looks at William. Why does this feel like... torment? Not intentional, but... Why does it feel like he's being pushed away? He loved William first, will always love him best.
That's what he tells himself.
He considers their connection carefully, trying to feel out if there's a distance growing, if William is closing his heart off. He can't be sure, and that terrifies him.
Please don't.]
Dear William, I love you better than I have ever loved anyone. This... it doesn't change anything. [A small, nervous, incredulous sound.] I'm still yours, even if you say that. I'm still yours.
[His head tips into the touch, then he turns to press his lips to William's fingers.]
[ his hand curls gently to let albert nuzzle and kiss, the feeling of those soft lips warm against his palm. william is pulling away, and they both know it -- the problem is that now albert knows, too. he can feel his albert searching their connection, reaching out to him, and he knows he will feel that distance, small but there, breaching with only the best of intentions.
but you know what they say about roads to hell and what they're paved out of.
for the first time in his life, william finds himself doubting his own navigation, for as skilled as he is with predicting the thoughts and actions of others, he could never predict hearts, nor love, and that small sound makes his heart ache. ]
When the light in your eyes dies. It has never been more obvious to me than now.
[ he leans in close, pressing his forehead to his. how does he stop hurting albert, whom he loves deeply, profoundly? theirs is one forged by fire and blood, a shared purpose -- albert had saved william and louis as surely as william had saved him in turn, and yet, here they are. ]
What your lover gave you, I've inadvertently taken away.
[ he frowns. ] Tell me, my dearest Albert. How do I return it to you?
[The growing distance strikes fear in Albert. He never wanted to lose William. He never wanted to be without him. A slow, simmering panic is building as he feels the gulf widen, and he doesn't know what to do.
And yet, Albert knows. He understands that this is because of his devotion to William. That this pain is because he won't let his brother go. Even if he could boldly say to Ignis that he needs to find his own path, walking away from William to any degree is terrifying, and he hates it. Loving William is all that's kept him afloat for so long.
If he can be open and vulnerable with Ignis, he can find it in himself to be so with William, too.]
Don't... speak as though you're going to abandon me, dear brother. Please. I lived a mere month without you here, and it was far too long.
[He breathes in, lets it out slowly. Leans in to press a kiss to William's cheek, then finds his brother's eyes.]
I just... [He falters, then tries again.] I want the chance to do things differently here. I told you this. That's all I can ask, Will. Let me do things by my rules and standards, but be by my side. Even if I gain political power, I'll still need your mind and your affection to stay alive. If only we could spill less blood, and accomplish the same. A more civilized route. If it proves impossible, I'll call myself wrong and repent, but until then I want to have tried. That's how I'll make myself a better man.
[A slow, deep breath again.] Ignis... That's his name. He's brilliant, William. He's gorgeous, he's kind, he's incredibly capable, and he understands me. He... [He's so sorry to say this to William, who he loves from the bottom of his heart.] He is what I have long needed to soothe wounds of my own making.
[ william feels it, the sharp spike of fear, so openly reverberating in their connection. he shifts, instinctively, wordlessly reacting to albert's honesty -- what a strange place this world is, that it would lay bare their deepest feelings and destroy any semblance of masks. william both hates and appreciates it.
his eyes widen briefly, before he presses up close to him, drawn back to his turmoil. william can never turn away from albert, not like this, not when he calls to him so, and william's heart, what's left of it, responds to him. ]
Then I will stay by your side here.
[ he says softly, finally, absorbing the weight of such words, the way albert has found new ways to survive. how new, how it echoes sherlock's plaintive cries for william to find another way. first sherlock, and now albert. william's way had lived out its use, fulfilled what they needed it to, and it's with a bittersweet, eventual acquiescence that he reaches to him. ]
After all, I cannot deny you what you want. We will do it your way, according to your rules and standards. [ he leans up, pressing a soft kiss to the side of his mouth in a bid to quell albert's emotional upheaval, to soothe him as best as he can. after all, had he not been seeing to albert's requests since they had been children? his hand comes to rest over albert's heart now, his gaze flickering down.
wounds of his own making, is it...? if this person can heal albert, then...
he steps closer, fingers curling briefly in the front of his shirt. oh, how he doesn't want to let him go, and yet. ]
[Now the weight of emotion pulls back in William's direction, and Albert can feel how conflicted his brother is. He does love him, deeply and dearly, more than he's ever loved another. Probably more than he ever will love someone else. But Albert is trying so desperately hard to be the man he ought to be, upright and true, instead of the man that their time necessitated.
He knows, somewhere in his heart, that he'll kill again. He hates that he knows this, that he'll never be able to close that book entirely. That he will always have spilled blood, deserved or not. That he will always have taken in equal measure to giving.
As much as he's glad to hear William give him this, it makes his chest ache. Surely this is what William wants, too, isn't it? Peace? Some chance to change things from a different vantage point?
He runs his fingertips along William's cheek, knowing he's said the wrong thing again in invoking another man in his presence after begging a favor. He's taken too much. He ought to be giving William the world, after William delivered it to Louis and himself... no matter what Albert himself did to mar that ending.
His hand curves gently along William's cheek, then slips under his chin to tip his head up.]
Don't speak with such resignation. I missed your fire just as much.
[Kissing him gently on the lips, Albert tries to seal things more kindly.]
[ here's the thing about killing -- eventually it becomes as easy as breathing, as the weight of it all becomes heavier and heavier. what's one more stain on the red, red of his hands? but then comes death, and a second chance in a new world that doesn't need him or his brand of revolution or justice.
here is a blank slate for william, for them both to find another way. for william, to atone -- for albert, to be the best man he can be, to veer from the path they had taken together. and perhaps, logically, it's all for the best; that path has no place here.
william leans into those gentle fingertips, pensive and contemplative, his mind fixed on the mystery person that had wound himself around albert's heart so. it's new and not pleasant, a development william had never thought he would have to handle, not when albert has always been his. he focuses on albert's roiling thoughts as he feels his chin tipped upwards, the intention to make things up to him before he tightens his hold on his shirt and pulls him close so he can deepen the kiss. ]
Good.
[ albert might try to seal things kindly, as he always does, but william is possessive; letting go of albert is not an option, and he wants to know: are you still mine? ]
[Perhaps it was proof enough that when sufficiently removed from his object of obsession, Albert could learn to walk on his own. But here William stands, close, warm, adored, and Albert's mind blanks of all other thoughts at that kiss. He'll be William's, even when William isn't his any longer. That much is true, and always will be. Perhaps that's what they're keeping from him.
The kiss lingers, deep and passionate and full of the feelings Albert pushed down for his own sake in William's absence. He's told him so many times how much he missed him, how he ached to be near him, how if London was too far then being in another world was absolute torment. The nights he spent alone were devastatingly isolating, and Albert looked forward to mornings because mornings meant people and tasks and distraction. Now he has William again. And he will be forever his, no matter what.]
Don't be foolish, William. You know I adore you. I'm yours until the end, and beyond it.
[He says it more for his own benefit than his brother's.]
[ william muses, a familiar mischievous gleam in his red, red eyes as he regards him with a growing predatory grace. he's pushing him back against the bed, sleekly coming to straddle either side of his thighs. he can feel it, the way albert comes back to him, the intoxicating shine of that familiar obsession he's never felt as vividly until now and here.
this is unhealthy for them both, how william's own possessiveness and mirroring obsession for albert manifests in a distinctly different way. albert remains his, and he intends to keep it that way for as long as he can. of course, he wouldn't begrudge albert his lovers and his flings, but this honest affirmation pleases him.
he leans down to kiss him again, again and again, deep and searching and fiery. tonight, too, speaks of their reconciliation in different ways, and he murmurs against his mouth, sweet and wicked: ]
You're mine, nii-san. I will brand my reminders onto you tonight.
[ he bites down on his bottom lip, hands coming to tug that scarf free less-than-gently. ]
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no subject
[ his crimson gaze lingers on his throat instead of his eyes, deliberate and unreadable. he can sense albert's concern reverberating through their bond, and yet he can't help that insistent flicker of possessiveness. he knows they have much to address -- and he's more than half-certain that albert has sorted at least some things out for himself. ]
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[He smiles easily, crossing over to William as he tugs the scarf a little higher on his throat self consciously. His hand drops to his dear brother's shoulder, calm and light.]
It's the same as what I was trying to tell you and Louis earlier, though I did a poor job.
[Reluctance stilled his tongue. He's more certain now.]
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I'm glad.
[ and for the most part, he is. his time is over -- he has done what he had set out to do, gifting a new world to the ones he loves most. ]
I want you to be happy, no matter what happens.
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I will fight for our happiness, Will.
[Leaning down, he presses a gentle, loving kiss to the crown of his brother's head.]
I want you to be happy, more than anything, but I know I should find my own happiness, too.
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[ this stranger that william has never met, this person who could enable a whole gamut of intense feelings and emotions from albert -- and most importantly, that could make him feel the way he does through their bond: light and happy, unburdened.
he leans into that kiss and threads his fingers with his, accepting it even if he doesn't react to albert's assertion of their shared happiness. there is none of that for william back in their world. in their world, william will be gone, and albert and louis will have only each other and the ones around them. he only hopes that they're taken care of.
and so he only smiles, his own emotions muted. leaning his cheek against albert's hand, he muses quietly. ]
I want you to remember this feeling in the event that you return back to our world.
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Why does he feel shame now? Perhaps... he isn't loved in the same way he loves. With William, he knows it's unequal, two different types of devotion from two different men who share ideals and a past, but hardly any of the things that would make two people lovers, no matter how much they might want that.
No. In the past, he would have wanted it all the more. Now, he wants more desperately for William to live a life he chooses, rather than one he takes up out of obligation or necessity.
Leaning down, embracing William at this awkward angle, he sighs.]
I suspect... he may truly love me. [He smiles, bittersweet.] He's a beautiful, brilliant, elegant man, with depths and secrets I haven't yet touched. Yet the more I learn, the deeper I fall. Even... if it isn't the same for him ultimately, I'm satisfied with how it stands.
[That sincere wish. He thought William would be angry with him, jealous somehow, fearsome and in need of placating, but could it just be that simple? Wishing him well? Still, Albert must be just as firm with William as he's been with himself tonight.]
That world isn't worth returning to if you aren't in it.
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but this -- isn't this what william has intended, of a sort? that he will take on their sins so that his brothers will find happiness in a new world. and for albert, tortured and in pain because of his stubborn kindness. that he has found someone who loves him, and whom he loves in return.
at length, william decides to be honest. he has never technically lied to albert, and he isn't about to start. ]
There is no place for me there anymore.
[ william gently pulls away from him to set aside his book. ] My work is finished.
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He wants to apologize, to ask if his path is the wrong one. He's walking this path with someone who isn't William, and it grips him like nothing else.
There's hollowness to his tone.]
I... suspected as much. [Albert's hand curls into a fist.] I'm sorry, William. I never wanted you to...
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[ william says firmly, cutting him off. he has seen it, the stark, telling difference between albert now and the man he was when he walked in, and he likes none of it. his frown deepens, and he rises to take his hand, feeling that guilt and uncertainty set in.
even now, william realises he holds such sway over him, and in this moment, he realises -- ]
I do love you, brother. [ he says softly, reaching out to touch his hand. in this moment, on the other side of death, in the wake of what he has found with sherlock, it would be cruel to deny him happiness. ] I have never intended for you to be shackled to me.
This look in your eyes now -- [ he reaches up, gently touching his jawline as he smiles. oh, how his heart aches, even if his face betrays none of it. ] -- I have never liked it.
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That's what he tells himself.
He considers their connection carefully, trying to feel out if there's a distance growing, if William is closing his heart off. He can't be sure, and that terrifies him.
Please don't.]
Dear William, I love you better than I have ever loved anyone. This... it doesn't change anything. [A small, nervous, incredulous sound.] I'm still yours, even if you say that. I'm still yours.
[His head tips into the touch, then he turns to press his lips to William's fingers.]
What look?
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[ his hand curls gently to let albert nuzzle and kiss, the feeling of those soft lips warm against his palm. william is pulling away, and they both know it -- the problem is that now albert knows, too. he can feel his albert searching their connection, reaching out to him, and he knows he will feel that distance, small but there, breaching with only the best of intentions.
but you know what they say about roads to hell and what they're paved out of.
for the first time in his life, william finds himself doubting his own navigation, for as skilled as he is with predicting the thoughts and actions of others, he could never predict hearts, nor love, and that small sound makes his heart ache. ]
When the light in your eyes dies. It has never been more obvious to me than now.
[ he leans in close, pressing his forehead to his. how does he stop hurting albert, whom he loves deeply, profoundly? theirs is one forged by fire and blood, a shared purpose -- albert had saved william and louis as surely as william had saved him in turn, and yet, here they are. ]
What your lover gave you, I've inadvertently taken away.
[ he frowns. ] Tell me, my dearest Albert. How do I return it to you?
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And yet, Albert knows. He understands that this is because of his devotion to William. That this pain is because he won't let his brother go. Even if he could boldly say to Ignis that he needs to find his own path, walking away from William to any degree is terrifying, and he hates it. Loving William is all that's kept him afloat for so long.
If he can be open and vulnerable with Ignis, he can find it in himself to be so with William, too.]
Don't... speak as though you're going to abandon me, dear brother. Please. I lived a mere month without you here, and it was far too long.
[He breathes in, lets it out slowly. Leans in to press a kiss to William's cheek, then finds his brother's eyes.]
I just... [He falters, then tries again.] I want the chance to do things differently here. I told you this. That's all I can ask, Will. Let me do things by my rules and standards, but be by my side. Even if I gain political power, I'll still need your mind and your affection to stay alive. If only we could spill less blood, and accomplish the same. A more civilized route. If it proves impossible, I'll call myself wrong and repent, but until then I want to have tried. That's how I'll make myself a better man.
[A slow, deep breath again.] Ignis... That's his name. He's brilliant, William. He's gorgeous, he's kind, he's incredibly capable, and he understands me. He... [He's so sorry to say this to William, who he loves from the bottom of his heart.] He is what I have long needed to soothe wounds of my own making.
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his eyes widen briefly, before he presses up close to him, drawn back to his turmoil. william can never turn away from albert, not like this, not when he calls to him so, and william's heart, what's left of it, responds to him. ]
Then I will stay by your side here.
[ he says softly, finally, absorbing the weight of such words, the way albert has found new ways to survive. how new, how it echoes sherlock's plaintive cries for william to find another way. first sherlock, and now albert. william's way had lived out its use, fulfilled what they needed it to, and it's with a bittersweet, eventual acquiescence that he reaches to him. ]
After all, I cannot deny you what you want. We will do it your way, according to your rules and standards. [ he leans up, pressing a soft kiss to the side of his mouth in a bid to quell albert's emotional upheaval, to soothe him as best as he can. after all, had he not been seeing to albert's requests since they had been children? his hand comes to rest over albert's heart now, his gaze flickering down.
wounds of his own making, is it...? if this person can heal albert, then...
he steps closer, fingers curling briefly in the front of his shirt. oh, how he doesn't want to let him go, and yet. ]
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He knows, somewhere in his heart, that he'll kill again. He hates that he knows this, that he'll never be able to close that book entirely. That he will always have spilled blood, deserved or not. That he will always have taken in equal measure to giving.
As much as he's glad to hear William give him this, it makes his chest ache. Surely this is what William wants, too, isn't it? Peace? Some chance to change things from a different vantage point?
He runs his fingertips along William's cheek, knowing he's said the wrong thing again in invoking another man in his presence after begging a favor. He's taken too much. He ought to be giving William the world, after William delivered it to Louis and himself... no matter what Albert himself did to mar that ending.
His hand curves gently along William's cheek, then slips under his chin to tip his head up.]
Don't speak with such resignation. I missed your fire just as much.
[Kissing him gently on the lips, Albert tries to seal things more kindly.]
no subject
here is a blank slate for william, for them both to find another way. for william, to atone -- for albert, to be the best man he can be, to veer from the path they had taken together. and perhaps, logically, it's all for the best; that path has no place here.
william leans into those gentle fingertips, pensive and contemplative, his mind fixed on the mystery person that had wound himself around albert's heart so. it's new and not pleasant, a development william had never thought he would have to handle, not when albert has always been his. he focuses on albert's roiling thoughts as he feels his chin tipped upwards, the intention to make things up to him before he tightens his hold on his shirt and pulls him close so he can deepen the kiss. ]
Good.
[ albert might try to seal things kindly, as he always does, but william is possessive; letting go of albert is not an option, and he wants to know: are you still mine? ]
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The kiss lingers, deep and passionate and full of the feelings Albert pushed down for his own sake in William's absence. He's told him so many times how much he missed him, how he ached to be near him, how if London was too far then being in another world was absolute torment. The nights he spent alone were devastatingly isolating, and Albert looked forward to mornings because mornings meant people and tasks and distraction. Now he has William again. And he will be forever his, no matter what.]
Don't be foolish, William. You know I adore you. I'm yours until the end, and beyond it.
[He says it more for his own benefit than his brother's.]
Stay with me until you're satisfied.
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[ william muses, a familiar mischievous gleam in his red, red eyes as he regards him with a growing predatory grace. he's pushing him back against the bed, sleekly coming to straddle either side of his thighs. he can feel it, the way albert comes back to him, the intoxicating shine of that familiar obsession he's never felt as vividly until now and here.
this is unhealthy for them both, how william's own possessiveness and mirroring obsession for albert manifests in a distinctly different way. albert remains his, and he intends to keep it that way for as long as he can. of course, he wouldn't begrudge albert his lovers and his flings, but this honest affirmation pleases him.
he leans down to kiss him again, again and again, deep and searching and fiery. tonight, too, speaks of their reconciliation in different ways, and he murmurs against his mouth, sweet and wicked: ]
You're mine, nii-san. I will brand my reminders onto you tonight.
[ he bites down on his bottom lip, hands coming to tug that scarf free less-than-gently. ]