Mmm. That's probably true, no matter how much my mind rails against it. Surviving him was never part of the plan.
[Plan? What plan? He smiles it off, sadly and thinly.]
I always thought I'd die for my ideals, not William. He deserved so much better. Deserves. [A pause. Albert doesn't know about his own future, and everything is conjecture when he tries to parse it out, but no matter how he looks at it it feels like a betrayal on his part. Jealousy, perhaps? Grief? All of the above?] I hope he finds happiness and comfort here, truly. Pardon me for being so softhearted, but it's all I want for him. That he can forget the past and live wholly here is... A dream I'll carry forever.
[ That's it, then. One of the answers that he's never quite given her, but it's been her instincts — as well as a serendipitous conversation with one Sebastian Moran — guiding her to the right train of thought, until he finally tells her what she's been waiting to hear. Living fully to fulfill his purpose in life, an ideal that he believes is worth is death.
She snorts, leaning back from her seat. ]
Guess I gotta just love the fact that I'm a magnet for self-sacrificing idiots.
[ There's a distinctly sharp flavor to Aranea's brand of sadness as she receives this confirmation — not simply resignation. But there is a twisted kind of wistfulness, as well as recognition, a memory triggered.
She twists to the side and reaches out for Albert, drawing him into a hug like she wants to crush him in her arms, but not quite. ]
Hey -- first of all, make sure you find happiness and comfort here, too, or else there's no point. They're your brothers; you know they'll worry about you, too. It'll be a never-ending cycle of drama. [ She rests her chin on his shoulder. ] I can't help you with what happened in your world, but I sure as hell can help you here. I've been vaguely offering all day, so let me put it clearly now: any time you need me, for anything at all, just come here or give me a call. I'll always answer.
Give my name and number to your brothers. I'll do the same for them.
[He's surprised at the embrace, his eyes widening before they close and his hands settle at her sides. Perhaps all he needed was to hear this again, that his happiness is worth something, and that his ideals are not the only thing worth living for. She has a point, and though he hates to admit how weak he is for needing reassurance, he rests his cheek against her shoulder as well.]
You truly are the most remarkable woman I've ever met. I'll tell William and Louis... as long as you do promise to come meet them when things settle in the coming few days.
[Slowly, his arms wind around her, then he holds her firmly, with all due affection.]
Being here complicates things. I have people I honestly care about who aren't family or otherwise from home, and who would fight my giving up or passing with everything they have. That's... entirely new to me. Even at home, we all did our utmost for the cause we supported. If that meant not surviving, so be it.
[Another pause, and his voice drops.]
Not wanting to die frightens me infinitely more than death ever did.
[ If his brothers are anything like Albert, she's sure she'll like them. And if not — it'd be easy to find something to like about them regardless, just because Albert loves them. ]
Keep me posted.
[ The admission of that fear is what placates her at this moment. Fear is what keeps her alive — as she knows her death, back home, will mean plenty to the people that stick by her. Biggs and Wedge, and the men that've served her through thick and thin — they've always relied on her being alive, because it's her talents that've ultimately brought food on their table, money in their pocket — their lives have always been in her hands. She's always feared what would happen if she suddenly dies.
She's seen what it's like, to sacrifice yourself for a bigger cause, seen firsthand the deaths that come with such a promise. It's something she'll never understand — she's always fought to live. ]
You measured your entire life around your value as a dead man. Means you're starting to learn just how much you're worth when you really live.
[ To others, and ultimately, maybe, to himself. The long road ahead. ]
[His expression softens further, and he pulls Aranea into an embrace of his own. She's brilliant in his eyes, like a star, like the moon in the night sky, silver and ephemeral and ever-changing. Yet somehow always there.]
I'll do everything I can to live. Not knowing what future awaits me is terrible and vexing, but knowing that this, however long it lasts, is another chance for me to correct all my many mistakes makes me feel like it's worth attempting something completely different.
[He hasn't told her what he is. What he's done. But he senses that from the gravity of this, she must know that he's done many things he isn't proud of, and things that would have seen him meet an untimely end by his own will.]
[ She can't refute it now, can she? She was worried, and she still is. The things he's learned is a lot to process, and the development he's undergone in here is just as heavy a situation to bear on his shoulders. ]
Don't be an idiot. Are you that sorry that I care for you? [ She'll hit you if you say yes to that, Albert, so don't you dare. ] Bury yourself in your troubles all you like, if that's how you really wanna cope with it -- I'm just here to point out that there's no harm in sharing them with others, too. You're only human.
[ She pulls back a little, a hand lingering on his face, brushing stray hair away from his eyes. Handsome even in his distress, yet so much more vibrant than the first time she's ever met him.
Her eyes linger on his for a couple of seconds, before she pulls back completely, leaving only her hand on his, squeezing gently. ]
Come on. Finish the food I made for you at least. [ She teases. ] Then I can let you go, I guess.
[He knows he's defeated, just a bit, and that he ought to not try to explain. The food is good, made wonderful by the sentiment. He can't say that he's ever in his life had someone care so directly about his idiotic death wish.]
I'd like to stay for a while, if I could.
[Stay. Lay down with his head on her shoulder, or on her lap. Feel connected and valued for who he is and not reviled for the things he's let pass through his mind. Or perhaps he'll just sleep while she goes about her day, a useless husk that needs to recharge and reevaluate.]
You're so good for me. It might help more than you know.
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no subject
[Plan? What plan? He smiles it off, sadly and thinly.]
I always thought I'd die for my ideals, not William. He deserved so much better. Deserves. [A pause. Albert doesn't know about his own future, and everything is conjecture when he tries to parse it out, but no matter how he looks at it it feels like a betrayal on his part. Jealousy, perhaps? Grief? All of the above?] I hope he finds happiness and comfort here, truly. Pardon me for being so softhearted, but it's all I want for him. That he can forget the past and live wholly here is... A dream I'll carry forever.
no subject
[ That's it, then. One of the answers that he's never quite given her, but it's been her instincts — as well as a serendipitous conversation with one Sebastian Moran — guiding her to the right train of thought, until he finally tells her what she's been waiting to hear. Living fully to fulfill his purpose in life, an ideal that he believes is worth is death.
She snorts, leaning back from her seat. ]
Guess I gotta just love the fact that I'm a magnet for self-sacrificing idiots.
[ There's a distinctly sharp flavor to Aranea's brand of sadness as she receives this confirmation — not simply resignation. But there is a twisted kind of wistfulness, as well as recognition, a memory triggered.
She twists to the side and reaches out for Albert, drawing him into a hug like she wants to crush him in her arms, but not quite. ]
Hey -- first of all, make sure you find happiness and comfort here, too, or else there's no point. They're your brothers; you know they'll worry about you, too. It'll be a never-ending cycle of drama. [ She rests her chin on his shoulder. ] I can't help you with what happened in your world, but I sure as hell can help you here. I've been vaguely offering all day, so let me put it clearly now: any time you need me, for anything at all, just come here or give me a call. I'll always answer.
Give my name and number to your brothers. I'll do the same for them.
no subject
You truly are the most remarkable woman I've ever met. I'll tell William and Louis... as long as you do promise to come meet them when things settle in the coming few days.
[Slowly, his arms wind around her, then he holds her firmly, with all due affection.]
Being here complicates things. I have people I honestly care about who aren't family or otherwise from home, and who would fight my giving up or passing with everything they have. That's... entirely new to me. Even at home, we all did our utmost for the cause we supported. If that meant not surviving, so be it.
[Another pause, and his voice drops.]
Not wanting to die frightens me infinitely more than death ever did.
no subject
[ If his brothers are anything like Albert, she's sure she'll like them. And if not — it'd be easy to find something to like about them regardless, just because Albert loves them. ]
Keep me posted.
[ The admission of that fear is what placates her at this moment. Fear is what keeps her alive — as she knows her death, back home, will mean plenty to the people that stick by her. Biggs and Wedge, and the men that've served her through thick and thin — they've always relied on her being alive, because it's her talents that've ultimately brought food on their table, money in their pocket — their lives have always been in her hands. She's always feared what would happen if she suddenly dies.
She's seen what it's like, to sacrifice yourself for a bigger cause, seen firsthand the deaths that come with such a promise. It's something she'll never understand — she's always fought to live. ]
You measured your entire life around your value as a dead man. Means you're starting to learn just how much you're worth when you really live.
[ To others, and ultimately, maybe, to himself. The long road ahead. ]
I'd hold on to that for as I can, if I were you.
no subject
I'll do everything I can to live. Not knowing what future awaits me is terrible and vexing, but knowing that this, however long it lasts, is another chance for me to correct all my many mistakes makes me feel like it's worth attempting something completely different.
[He hasn't told her what he is. What he's done. But he senses that from the gravity of this, she must know that he's done many things he isn't proud of, and things that would have seen him meet an untimely end by his own will.]
I am... so very sorry I worried you.
no subject
Don't be an idiot. Are you that sorry that I care for you? [ She'll hit you if you say yes to that, Albert, so don't you dare. ] Bury yourself in your troubles all you like, if that's how you really wanna cope with it -- I'm just here to point out that there's no harm in sharing them with others, too. You're only human.
[ She pulls back a little, a hand lingering on his face, brushing stray hair away from his eyes. Handsome even in his distress, yet so much more vibrant than the first time she's ever met him.
Her eyes linger on his for a couple of seconds, before she pulls back completely, leaving only her hand on his, squeezing gently. ]
Come on. Finish the food I made for you at least. [ She teases. ] Then I can let you go, I guess.
no subject
[He knows he's defeated, just a bit, and that he ought to not try to explain. The food is good, made wonderful by the sentiment. He can't say that he's ever in his life had someone care so directly about his idiotic death wish.]
I'd like to stay for a while, if I could.
[Stay. Lay down with his head on her shoulder, or on her lap. Feel connected and valued for who he is and not reviled for the things he's let pass through his mind. Or perhaps he'll just sleep while she goes about her day, a useless husk that needs to recharge and reevaluate.]
You're so good for me. It might help more than you know.
no subject
[ What a silly man, to say words like 'if I could', as if she would've said anything else. ]
For as long as you need to.