[It would be more unbelievable, he's certain, if he wasn't so very obviously baring as much of his soul as possible to Mitsuki. Nothing in this world or the previous one made Albert feel quite the way he feels about Mitsuki. It's a feeling he's lived without for a month and learned that he never wants to be without again.
Death is a strange thing to Albert. Death was a potential endgame for himself, for William--though never, never for Louis--so he accepted it without hesitation. To think that William would die... it only hurt him profoundly once he saw there was another way. Now he can't abide that end. It's too cruel, even for them.
He nods at Mitsuki's correct analysis, and brushes some of his hair back gently.]
The man I am now may not have existed if we hadn't met so early on. You see, I saw something in you right away, a lightness, a cleverness and heart that I'd never seen in anyone before. Had you not stolen my own heart so quickly, I think I might've not been so passionately devoted to making this world better.
[He smiles.]
This world... I want it to be better for you and others like you, so that all the dreams and things you might be missing by being here will seem less tragic. So that you may shine as brightly as the very sun. I spent so very long in the dark.
[Tipping Mitsuki's chin up, he looks down at him with the gentlest expression.]
[He mulls over Albert’s words, taking this moment to just consider everything. He can’t imagine Albert as a cruel man - knows he must have been, once, to do everything he’s confessed to, but the Albert he knows is so… Passionate and driven and so focused on bettering the lives of everyone around him.
It feels egotistical, to say it’s because of him, even if those are Albert’s own words, but in a way… Isn’t this exactly what he’s always wanted? To be able to impact people, change people, just like Zero had done?
He’s always wanted to bring people joy, and… It seems like he has.]
Albert…
[He meets his eyes, searching.]
…You know, if you kiss me right now, I won’t be mad.
[He's going to treasure every time Mitsuki says his name from now on, a hundred times more than he did before. He's going to cherish every glance, commit every smile to memory.
And he's going to kiss him just as graciously and passionately as he deserves, every single time.
He lets out a little huff of breath at that, then leans down to capture Mitsuki's lips with such gentle thoughtfulness that it may as well be an oath of its own. Albert might as well be promising Mitsuki the entire world right now, with how he pulls him close and doesn't let up for a moment. It isn't desperate, nor as bittersweet as Albert expected.
It feels right.
This is right.
It's calm, sweet, but not passive or hesitant. It's the sort of kiss he always should have given him, and that he'll always give him, each and every time, from now until the end.]
[He's almost expecting that Albert won't kiss him, that maybe things are too tense and strange between them, but then Albert is leaning down and everything feels okay again. He knew he had missed him, but kissing him again...
Everything feels near perfect. It makes him feel like this is a fresh start between them, with no more secrets and no more lies.
It's a good feeling. This might be the best he's felt in the past month, if not the best he's felt during his entire stay in Noctium. The feelings coming through their bond are warm and content and happy.
He pulls back with a watery laugh, tears trailing down his face.]
Ah, sorry.
[It's overwhelming, but in the best way possible. He rubs at his eyes, shaking his head.]
[Feeling that happiness and warmth, with no reservation, with no fear, makes Albert's own heart twist. How many times had he wondered if he'd ever feel the joy Mitsuki can have in him coming across their connection again? How many times in the past month had he convinced himself that only feeling duller happiness, held back, controlled, safe was better?
He's wrong. This is worth everything. This is the only thing he wants to feel right now. That bright, vibrant life is the only thing that matters in his world in this moment.
With gentle hands, he curves his fingers along Mitsuki's cheeks, looking at him and witnessing tears that he caused. After a few moments, he swipes what falls away with his thumbs, as gently as his bloodstained hands can manage.]
Do you understand how dearly I love you? That an eternity with you wouldn't even begin to be enough? So help me, I would kneel before God and man to beg for the strength and kindness and prudence to be the man you deserve.
[Albert is gentle with him, so kind, and it reminds him of the beginning of their relationship. Albert was always the perfect Victorian gentleman, considerate and charming, and…
He laughs again, leaning into his touch.]
Remember the first time we kissed?
[The tears haven’t stopped just yet, but Mitsuki isn’t bothered by them. Not right now.]
And that apology letter you sent me?
[He’s sure Albert hasn’t forgotten - how could he have?]
[It summons up all kinds of emotions in Albert... Thoughts of how he tried to talk himself out of courting Mitsuki, of the way he was so certain he would ruin any chance he had at even being his friend well before they got anywhere else. Being in love with him was unfathomable then, for Albert, who was still so convinced that he wasn't capable of this kind of affection. Yet he fell so, so quickly after that kiss. And... the letter. He can't forget it, of course he can't.]
[He loves Mitsuki. With all of his heart and soul, with every salvageable part of him, he loves Mitsuki. He fell so hard and so quickly, and he regrets none of it.]
There was never a good time to tell you the truth, and I didn't want you to despise me. I didn't set out to win your heart. But the every time you laughed, or smiled, or scolded me... I felt lighter. I felt human.
[He smiles, painfully and gently, the bond between them overflowing with sentiment that holds steady, true as Albert's faith in Mitsuki.]
I'm so glad I fell for you, and that you found it in yourself to allow me to court you. To know that someone as remarkable as you can love someone like me, and... to know that you have seen me at my best, me being the man I wish to be and not the one whose hand was forced... And God knows I do plan to love you until the very end.
[If Albert somehow leaves this place, he will leave Mitsuki knowing he was treasured above all else. And should Mitsuki leave, he'll send every bit of that love to him, wherever he is, in hopes that it will fuel even the most impossible dreams. Mitsuki always seems to make the impossible real for Albert.]
...You know, months ago you told me that men of your profession at home aren't really allowed to date. Men of my station were expected to form unions based on connections and social advancement, for the most part.
Things would be so different, if he had known. He can imagine it so easily, even if he doesn’t want to.]
I wouldn’t have given you a second chance. It would’ve been easier to cut you out.
[Which… He wouldn’t have gone through that heartache. He wouldn’t have been so upset, wouldn’t have felt so betrayed. Though he would have also have missed so many things that brought him joy.
Is it worth it? He’s still not sure, but he wants to say yes. He’ll have to see where things go.
He blinks at that mention, before nodding slowly. It’s not the first time he’s thought about how things would have been impossible between them if Albert was a man he had met back home.]
This is the only place we could have had each other…
[He knows how lucky he is, that Mitsuki could see past his history and see the man he wants to be. The man he is now. He knows.]
And... I know it couldn't have been an easy decision, to still trust me. To let me try again.
[Smiling faintly, almost embarrassed, Albert looks down at his hands. He rests them in his lap for a moment.]
Being away from home... It must be so difficult when you have a precious life to return to. You have your career, your fans, IDOLiSH7... I would give anything to see you working, you know. Flourishing under bright lights, with your brilliance and your charisma. [The smile brightens.] Your way with words.
[And then it wavers a bit.] I'm glad that I've brought you some measure of happiness, though I am not so vain as to think I hold a candle to any of that.
It wasn't. I'm not even sure now that it's a good one!
[He laughs, though, bright eyed and smiling. Maybe in time he'll regret this, but... The only life worth living is the one you live in the moment. For now, he wants Albert in his life. He wants to see who Albert will become.
And he can only do that, only wants that, if he's at Albert's side.]
...It would be nice, if you could come back to Japan with me.
[He wants Albert to see his home - briefly, he entertains the idea of introducing Albert to his family. He honestly has no idea how his parents would react to him bringing home a man, but he thinks they would accept him, and he also thinks Albert would win them over.
It... Would be nice, he thinks, to have a life with Albert outside of Noctium, even if he knows it would be difficult if not downright impossible to have that and be an idol.]
I don't know if that's possible. I don't want to think about it, either - having you right now is enough, and we can worry about everything else if it ever comes to pass. I want to be happy, now. I want to enjoy our love, now.
[He reaches for Albert's hands, leaning in close.]
You make me happy in a way being an idol never could. They're not a comparable sort of happiness at all.
[Albert's smile shifts to something a little brighter again at that assertion, though the part of him that thinks Mitsuki deserves better than a killer is hard to bite back. He breathes deeply for a moment, eyes fixed on Mitsuki's, his chest aching.]
Be mine, until then.
[Until something inevitably takes this happiness away from one or both of them. They've weathered the truth being revealed. The rest is up to fate.
Albert looks at him with all the devoted affection he has in his heart, their hands joined. Things that are impossible elsewhere are possible here.]
I'm quite serious. I know it... it may be complicated as things stand, but consider this me announcing my intentions.
[Pulling his hands away as if suddenly remembering something, he offers a little glance to Mitsuki before focusing on slipping off a ring. It's a familiar one, or at least it should be to Mitsuki, considering Albert does wear it with relative frequency. He bought it not long after arriving, when he was padding out his wardrobe with things that more suited the place, very shortly before he met Mitsuki. It has a green stone, with a recessed etching of a star.]
Take this. [A little huff of breath, like a weight has been lifted off him.] I was wearing it the day we met. Do whatever you want with it, but keep it. Consider it a solemn oath, that I will love you until the end.
[Now is not the time for the self-deprecation, Albert.]
Okay.
[There's more he could say, more he wants to say, and usually he would just say what he's thinking. Moderation be damned, he cares about Albert and he wants Albert to never be able to doubt that.
It seems more important that ever, to get his feelings across in a way that can't be misinterpreted, but he holds his tongue as he watches Albert slip his ring off. He's familiar with it by now - he's seen Albert wear it countless times, but he's still surprised by the offer.
He takes the ring carefully, turning it over in his hands for a moment. He doesn't even bother trying to slip it on, because he knows it'll be far too large for him, a thought that gets him to snort.]
I'll have to get a chain for this. I'll keep it close to my heart.
[Another pause, as he mulls things over. He feels so much lighter, so much happier now, with everything that's been dragging him down finally letting him free. There's no more furrow between his brows, even if this hasn't made the dark circles under his eyes go away, and he doesn't bother trying to school his smile into something more serious.]
...Heh.
[He remembers when Albert gave him the license for Fonte Chocolat, the way people in the cafe congratulated them on what they assumed was a proposal, getting annoyed and flustered and saying they weren't getting married yet. And now here he is, knowing the truth about Albert, and with a ring that's a promise.
He doesn't know how his life has ended up like this, or how they've gotten to this point. He's sure Albert remembers as well, even if he hasn't placed that's why Mitsuki starts giggling.]
[Mitsuki starts laughing, and Albert looks at him in fond confusion. He'd remember it if he wasn't so dead set on making things right, if he wasn't so absolutely convinced that this could go to hell at any given moment. An exacting man, a man of principles and ideals, a man who knows he's flawed and can hardly stand it... Albert doesn't know if he'll be able to hold Mitsuki forever, as he'd like to. But he'll try anyway.
He can't help reaching out, pulling Mitsuki into his arms and tugging him close even as the younger man laughs. It makes Albert's shoulders shake, too, and he joins in Mitsuki's contagious mirth even as he wants to rip his own heart out for not being able to be more.]
[Give him a moment to stop giggling, as he nestles into Albert's side.]
I was thinking about when you gave me the license, and I said we weren't getting married yet. But now I've ended up with a promise ring, and everything is just...
[He waves a hand, as if that'll encapsulate everything they've been through over the past month. All of the anger, grief, loneliness... It all was so much but now they're here, in this room, and Mitsuki has realized Albert will always have a place in his heart.]
[This is warm and right and he missed it so much he could scream. Mitsuki is his again, though maybe he never stopped being his... and Albert is so grateful for that miracle.
He wraps both arms around Mitsuki, ducking his head toward him and kissing wherever he can, slowly, methodically, full of love.]
It is so often funny how things work out, when they do.
[He smiles wistfully.]
Should I selfishly ask for more, even at a time like this? Stay the night with me.
[If he stops to think about it, it’s strange how comfortable he is with Albert touching, kissing him again. He was so hurt, so upset, but all of that seems to melt away with every brush of Albert’s lips.]
You’re allowed some selfishness, I think.
[As if he wants to leave right now, after how long it took to get to this point…]
[That's surprising to hear, considering it's Albert who feels wholly in the wrong here. He's been selfish... that's what caused all of this, in his opinion.
But somehow Mitsuki doesn't hold his own monstrosity against him, and he could not be more grateful for such mercy.
His eyes light up, and he tips Mitsuki's chin so their gazes meet.]
May I hold you? I... I feel like I've practically been in mourning, I missed you so.
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no subject
Death is a strange thing to Albert. Death was a potential endgame for himself, for William--though never, never for Louis--so he accepted it without hesitation. To think that William would die... it only hurt him profoundly once he saw there was another way. Now he can't abide that end. It's too cruel, even for them.
He nods at Mitsuki's correct analysis, and brushes some of his hair back gently.]
The man I am now may not have existed if we hadn't met so early on. You see, I saw something in you right away, a lightness, a cleverness and heart that I'd never seen in anyone before. Had you not stolen my own heart so quickly, I think I might've not been so passionately devoted to making this world better.
[He smiles.]
This world... I want it to be better for you and others like you, so that all the dreams and things you might be missing by being here will seem less tragic. So that you may shine as brightly as the very sun. I spent so very long in the dark.
[Tipping Mitsuki's chin up, he looks down at him with the gentlest expression.]
Do you understand how alive you make me feel?
no subject
It feels egotistical, to say it’s because of him, even if those are Albert’s own words, but in a way… Isn’t this exactly what he’s always wanted? To be able to impact people, change people, just like Zero had done?
He’s always wanted to bring people joy, and… It seems like he has.]
Albert…
[He meets his eyes, searching.]
…You know, if you kiss me right now, I won’t be mad.
no subject
And he's going to kiss him just as graciously and passionately as he deserves, every single time.
He lets out a little huff of breath at that, then leans down to capture Mitsuki's lips with such gentle thoughtfulness that it may as well be an oath of its own. Albert might as well be promising Mitsuki the entire world right now, with how he pulls him close and doesn't let up for a moment. It isn't desperate, nor as bittersweet as Albert expected.
It feels right.
This is right.
It's calm, sweet, but not passive or hesitant. It's the sort of kiss he always should have given him, and that he'll always give him, each and every time, from now until the end.]
no subject
Everything feels near perfect. It makes him feel like this is a fresh start between them, with no more secrets and no more lies.
It's a good feeling. This might be the best he's felt in the past month, if not the best he's felt during his entire stay in Noctium. The feelings coming through their bond are warm and content and happy.
He pulls back with a watery laugh, tears trailing down his face.]
Ah, sorry.
[It's overwhelming, but in the best way possible. He rubs at his eyes, shaking his head.]
I didn't think that would make me cry.
no subject
He's wrong. This is worth everything. This is the only thing he wants to feel right now. That bright, vibrant life is the only thing that matters in his world in this moment.
With gentle hands, he curves his fingers along Mitsuki's cheeks, looking at him and witnessing tears that he caused. After a few moments, he swipes what falls away with his thumbs, as gently as his bloodstained hands can manage.]
Do you understand how dearly I love you? That an eternity with you wouldn't even begin to be enough? So help me, I would kneel before God and man to beg for the strength and kindness and prudence to be the man you deserve.
no subject
He laughs again, leaning into his touch.]
Remember the first time we kissed?
[The tears haven’t stopped just yet, but Mitsuki isn’t bothered by them. Not right now.]
And that apology letter you sent me?
[He’s sure Albert hasn’t forgotten - how could he have?]
no subject
...I remember.
no subject
[He turns his head, kissing Albert’s palm.]
I remember saying we were still friends. I didn’t think then that things would end up like this.
[He closes his eyes, the feelings through the bonds turning briefly melancholy and contemplative.]
I’m glad we fell in love.
no subject
There was never a good time to tell you the truth, and I didn't want you to despise me. I didn't set out to win your heart. But the every time you laughed, or smiled, or scolded me... I felt lighter. I felt human.
[He smiles, painfully and gently, the bond between them overflowing with sentiment that holds steady, true as Albert's faith in Mitsuki.]
I'm so glad I fell for you, and that you found it in yourself to allow me to court you. To know that someone as remarkable as you can love someone like me, and... to know that you have seen me at my best, me being the man I wish to be and not the one whose hand was forced... And God knows I do plan to love you until the very end.
[If Albert somehow leaves this place, he will leave Mitsuki knowing he was treasured above all else. And should Mitsuki leave, he'll send every bit of that love to him, wherever he is, in hopes that it will fuel even the most impossible dreams. Mitsuki always seems to make the impossible real for Albert.]
...You know, months ago you told me that men of your profession at home aren't really allowed to date. Men of my station were expected to form unions based on connections and social advancement, for the most part.
no subject
[He pauses for a moment.
Things would be so different, if he had known. He can imagine it so easily, even if he doesn’t want to.]
I wouldn’t have given you a second chance. It would’ve been easier to cut you out.
[Which… He wouldn’t have gone through that heartache. He wouldn’t have been so upset, wouldn’t have felt so betrayed. Though he would have also have missed so many things that brought him joy.
Is it worth it? He’s still not sure, but he wants to say yes. He’ll have to see where things go.
He blinks at that mention, before nodding slowly. It’s not the first time he’s thought about how things would have been impossible between them if Albert was a man he had met back home.]
This is the only place we could have had each other…
[…]
It makes being away from home not so bad.
no subject
[He knows how lucky he is, that Mitsuki could see past his history and see the man he wants to be. The man he is now. He knows.]
And... I know it couldn't have been an easy decision, to still trust me. To let me try again.
[Smiling faintly, almost embarrassed, Albert looks down at his hands. He rests them in his lap for a moment.]
Being away from home... It must be so difficult when you have a precious life to return to. You have your career, your fans, IDOLiSH7... I would give anything to see you working, you know. Flourishing under bright lights, with your brilliance and your charisma. [The smile brightens.] Your way with words.
[And then it wavers a bit.] I'm glad that I've brought you some measure of happiness, though I am not so vain as to think I hold a candle to any of that.
no subject
[He laughs, though, bright eyed and smiling. Maybe in time he'll regret this, but... The only life worth living is the one you live in the moment. For now, he wants Albert in his life. He wants to see who Albert will become.
And he can only do that, only wants that, if he's at Albert's side.]
...It would be nice, if you could come back to Japan with me.
[He wants Albert to see his home - briefly, he entertains the idea of introducing Albert to his family. He honestly has no idea how his parents would react to him bringing home a man, but he thinks they would accept him, and he also thinks Albert would win them over.
It... Would be nice, he thinks, to have a life with Albert outside of Noctium, even if he knows it would be difficult if not downright impossible to have that and be an idol.]
I don't know if that's possible. I don't want to think about it, either - having you right now is enough, and we can worry about everything else if it ever comes to pass. I want to be happy, now. I want to enjoy our love, now.
[He reaches for Albert's hands, leaning in close.]
You make me happy in a way being an idol never could. They're not a comparable sort of happiness at all.
no subject
Be mine, until then.
[Until something inevitably takes this happiness away from one or both of them. They've weathered the truth being revealed. The rest is up to fate.
Albert looks at him with all the devoted affection he has in his heart, their hands joined. Things that are impossible elsewhere are possible here.]
I'm quite serious. I know it... it may be complicated as things stand, but consider this me announcing my intentions.
[Pulling his hands away as if suddenly remembering something, he offers a little glance to Mitsuki before focusing on slipping off a ring. It's a familiar one, or at least it should be to Mitsuki, considering Albert does wear it with relative frequency. He bought it not long after arriving, when he was padding out his wardrobe with things that more suited the place, very shortly before he met Mitsuki. It has a green stone, with a recessed etching of a star.]
Take this. [A little huff of breath, like a weight has been lifted off him.] I was wearing it the day we met. Do whatever you want with it, but keep it. Consider it a solemn oath, that I will love you until the end.
no subject
Okay.
[There's more he could say, more he wants to say, and usually he would just say what he's thinking. Moderation be damned, he cares about Albert and he wants Albert to never be able to doubt that.
It seems more important that ever, to get his feelings across in a way that can't be misinterpreted, but he holds his tongue as he watches Albert slip his ring off. He's familiar with it by now - he's seen Albert wear it countless times, but he's still surprised by the offer.
He takes the ring carefully, turning it over in his hands for a moment. He doesn't even bother trying to slip it on, because he knows it'll be far too large for him, a thought that gets him to snort.]
I'll have to get a chain for this. I'll keep it close to my heart.
[Another pause, as he mulls things over. He feels so much lighter, so much happier now, with everything that's been dragging him down finally letting him free. There's no more furrow between his brows, even if this hasn't made the dark circles under his eyes go away, and he doesn't bother trying to school his smile into something more serious.]
...Heh.
[He remembers when Albert gave him the license for Fonte Chocolat, the way people in the cafe congratulated them on what they assumed was a proposal, getting annoyed and flustered and saying they weren't getting married yet. And now here he is, knowing the truth about Albert, and with a ring that's a promise.
He doesn't know how his life has ended up like this, or how they've gotten to this point. He's sure Albert remembers as well, even if he hasn't placed that's why Mitsuki starts giggling.]
no subject
He can't help reaching out, pulling Mitsuki into his arms and tugging him close even as the younger man laughs. It makes Albert's shoulders shake, too, and he joins in Mitsuki's contagious mirth even as he wants to rip his own heart out for not being able to be more.]
I love you.
no subject
[Give him a moment to stop giggling, as he nestles into Albert's side.]
I was thinking about when you gave me the license, and I said we weren't getting married yet. But now I've ended up with a promise ring, and everything is just...
[He waves a hand, as if that'll encapsulate everything they've been through over the past month. All of the anger, grief, loneliness... It all was so much but now they're here, in this room, and Mitsuki has realized Albert will always have a place in his heart.]
I just love you too, y'know?
no subject
He wraps both arms around Mitsuki, ducking his head toward him and kissing wherever he can, slowly, methodically, full of love.]
It is so often funny how things work out, when they do.
[He smiles wistfully.]
Should I selfishly ask for more, even at a time like this? Stay the night with me.
no subject
You’re allowed some selfishness, I think.
[As if he wants to leave right now, after how long it took to get to this point…]
I want to stay.
no subject
But somehow Mitsuki doesn't hold his own monstrosity against him, and he could not be more grateful for such mercy.
His eyes light up, and he tips Mitsuki's chin so their gazes meet.]
May I hold you? I... I feel like I've practically been in mourning, I missed you so.